Dumbest RWBY Thing I've Written - or - Lamentations of a Schnee
by KillamriX88
Summary: Ruby is upset which makes Weiss upset and then Yang is there which doesn't make Blake upset, but then she gets upset anyway. Don't take this seriously. I know I didn't.


**I'm back, bitches! (I mean... kinda... maybe... not really... who knows!?)**

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**I Swear I Wasn't Drunk When I Wrote This**

Ruby burst into their room and flung herself at Weiss.

"Weiss! You're still alive!" Ruby wailed pitifully.

"Of course I am you idiot! Why wouldn't I be?" Weiss pried the other girl off of her.

"I watched your Death Battle! You lost and, you know, it's a battle... to the death..." Ruby sniffled.

"WHAT?! I LOST THAT TOO!?" Weiss shrieked.

"Don't worry, Weiss," Yang, who was also there, spoke up. "The author told me you'll totally win some stuff in what he's working on."

"Wait what? Why does he talk to you? He never tells _me_ anything!"

"Well I'm his favorite, so, duh..." Yang shrugged.

"But I'm his second favorite, aren't I? That's what you told me last time!" Weiss reminded her. ". . . right?"

"Ehhh, sure. Of course." Yang grinned reassuringly. Weiss was not reassured.

"It's that pink-haired wench, isn't it!" Weiss snapped. "I don't get it! You're the favorite and she tried to kill you!"

"Well she didn't _actually_ kill me so it's fine... I guess." Yang held her hands up at a loss. "Don't look at me, she's not _my _favorite."

"Come on, Weiss. She doesn't even talk. How could she beat you?" Ruby tried to calm her down.

"I can't win anything! I can't even get second place! The last time I won was... was... What? Volume _three_?! And even _that_ was only the first episode! I didn't do anything cool after that!" Weiss whined. "There was the sword thing but we all know how the author feels about _that _scene."

"I mean, if we wanna be technical. _We_ won that. Really, the only one to get a solo win there was Blake. Right, cardboard cutout of Blake?" Yang looked over to the side of the room where aforementioned cardboard cutout stood. At least it stood until a breeze rolled in through the window knocking it over with the power of perfect comedic timing that only a written work could offer. "Man, I wish he hadn't stopped watching the show before we reunited..."

"You just couldn't let me have it, could you..." Weiss sniffled in Yang's direction. "Great, so all I have to look forward to is this stupid story? The one that's on it's third iteration that he's been working on for five years? The one that he'll DEFINITELY finish this time, right?" Sarcasm, of course. Most unwelcome sarcasm.

"Aww, come on, Weiss! Our show has at least two more seasons coming after the current one. He has plenty of time to get it out before we're irrelevant!" Yang patted her on the shoulder.

"Hmph. Whatever. I don't even care anymore!" Weiss spat back, ever the rude and unreasonable one. "Hey! I am NOT rude and unreasonable!" She growled, turning on the author. What a bitch.

"WHOA! LANGUAGE!" Ruby shouted. But she had forgotten that season four had totally dropped that word, thus opening it up for use at the author's discretion.

"You know, just because the show doesn't have swearing doesn't mean anything. I'm totally up for a few f-bombs. I mean seriously, have you seen my _life_ lately?" Yang rolled her eyes. "The second this is over I'm gonna be short a right arm again."

"Guys! I'm trying to sleep!" Blake shot up from her bed.

"Whoa! Blake! You're here!?" Yang's jaw dropped.

"Of course I'm here! If you have your arm why wouldn't I be?!" Blake snapped. "I just refuse to be part of this! We're at Beacon, but we're talking about season 7! Messing with space and time is how eldritch gods get released!"

"Yeah, but by speaking up aren't you now officially part of this?" Weiss pointed out.

Indeed she was. Sucker.

"OH YOU MOTHERF-"

**Fin.**

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**Yeah I know I'm late to the party but I recently stumbled across the Weiss Death Battle and read that she lost. Didn't actually watch it because I'm biased like that and didn't feel like it.** **And as mentioned I haven't watched past Volume 4, but I looked up a list of Weiss's fights after I saw someone say she always loses. And, well... seems they were right. So that's what inspired this little acid trip of a story.**

**. . . OK FINE I'LL SAY THE THING!**

**Til' next time.**


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